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Jami's story continues.....
In 3rd grade times tables came up and I remember my mom bought me a ruler that would allow me to calculate times questions (I don't think she was aware of this). It would be the first time I "cheated" just to keep up with my friends. It was embarrassing and shameful, but I did not want to be called "stupid"
4th & 5th grade were a blur. More of the same. I always felt lucky when I had a teacher that was nice, and let me pass just because they liked me, even though I probably didn't have the skills to keep up with the rest. I do remember my parents especially my dad tried to help me, but I felt I couldn't understand and I did give up easily. I hated disappointing them. So I just tried to do it on my own, so they didn't have to deal with my frustration, and I didn't have to see them work so hard at trying to explain something I knew I couldn't understand. We probably both were frustrated during the process.
But by 6th grade I started getting migraines. I now realize I was working so hard to keep an average c to c- grade level just to pass that the pressure gave me migraines. They continued until adulthood.
In our small town 7-12th grades were combined. I was trying to find my place. My social skills were severely lacking, I specifically remember our Assn't Principle pulling me into his office every week and asking me to look at him he said before I graduated that was his goal. My self esteem was so low I had no eye contact. My grades were sketchy at best-and I am so embarrassed and ashamed to admit I did cheat, it was humiliating, and degrading, but I was afraid and didn't want to get less than a c- so I could pass to the next grade.
However, I was talented in music and was accepted into the 9-12th grade advance choral group when I was in 7th grade. I excelled in music. It was my lifeline at that time and was probably the only reason I passed thru high school. I took every choral class I possibly could and I would get A's. Although I couldn't read music, I would memorize every note and sound and the rythm came easy for me, it was part of my gift.
I had always dreamed many dreams but in a school setting that didn't understand my learning style they were continually beaten down. I remember my typing teacher tell me after he was so frustrated I couldn't keep up with the class (he thought I was making ajoke out of class by being so slow) He said. "Mrs. Nasi (my maiden name) if you continue this you will not amount to anything in life, and I was sent into the hall" I was so emmbarrassed as it was said in front of all my classmates.
My parents never pressured me they accepted me the way I was. I am so thankful they didn't put pressure on me to succeed in school, like my sister did. I was different, but, I still wanted them to be proud of me too.
Finally, I graduated from High school. I had nightmares I couldn't make, and without the help of caring kindhearted friends/classmates who I will never forget they helped me pass my classes. With out them who know where I'd be? They were my saviors who saw the face of a struggling student and I know I would never have made it thru with out them. To this day, I will always remember their kindness, and compassion. They would laugh with me at my idiosyncrasies, but also they also saw the pain and fear I had, and that I wanted to pass so badly.
And Yes I did pass. I did graduate high school with my peers and it was a wonderful experience to finally be done.
I did not attend college, after so much struggle and having to rely on so many people, I knew I couldn't do it again. I couldn't use the money my parents worked so hard for to waste it. The thought I has was "what if I can't make it and my parents would loose out soo much."?
So, as I was looking thru the average teen magazines I saw an add in the very back of the magazine for a special school called Patricia Stevens Finishing and Career College an assoc degree I could get in 1 year. I knew I could make this work.
I also knew I needed the social skills and self esteem it would give me, it would help polish my image and at the same time I would get a fashion merchandising certificate. I took the magazine to my parents and said this is what I want to do. I think my dad was perplexed and worried-I mean it came from the back of a teen magazine-but I think deep down they worried about my future, but they supported me and off I went.
To Milwaukee, Wisconsin an all girls very strict dormitory school with curfews, dress codes, and phone time limits. Oddly enough I loved it, I knew I could make it work. Loved the organization, I learned to speak, communicate effectively, and to be professional. I also realized that I would do well in business with these skills. I worked part time while in school and found that the "real world" work environment was so much easier than school for me. I was excited to see that others saw I had talent and people respected my abilities. I quickly was recruited from sales to Mgmt when I was just turning 18. I found out quickly that others saw potential in me and I was just yet discovering it in myself.
I would work extra hard and would spend and hour or two extra trying to balance the days cash receipts/registers-it wasn't easy, but I did it...but, because my school had a curfew and I stayed too late at my job balancing the registers one time I got a curfew adjustment and was told I needed to be in by 9 instead of the regular 10pm time I had broken curfew to balance registers... It was hard but I made it thru.
I moved to on to Los Angeles Ca, eventually became Assent Human Resource Director of Macys in Century City. All this with out a degree and keep in mind all this with very limited spelling, math, writing, and organizational skills. This was before spell check was invented. I was in charge of schedules/payroll/hiring/firing/benefits, and all over company moral. I loved the human interaction but the paperwork was very difficult. But I did it and rose above my learning difference, although I wonder if I did have appropriate help that things would have been much easier.
I did get married in LA had a beautiful son all when I was 26 and was as happy as can be.
We had moved to Maryland, when our son started school. I had all hopes and aspirations for him as any parent. But deep inside remembering my struggle I purposely put him in a small class size private school in Potomac, Maryland. I thought all he would need is smaller classes that had a caring staff. It was the beginning of understanding what a LD was. By my son's first grade the "Learning Specialist" took me to the side very quietly, it was kind of frightening, and she said "I think Jeremiah has a Learning Disability". I had never heard of such a thing. So, I wanted to her to explain to me what that meant, and was he OK? The word disability took me back a bit. I asked the learning specialist what I needed to do. She handed me the number of a leading neurophysiologist in the DC area. I quickly made the appnt and realized it was 2700.00 dollars, testing for one day, but I wanted to help my son. So we brought our son to this specialist, and after all the laboring tests my son had to take the Nuerophycologist calmly explained to my husband and I our son was "Classic Dyslexic" I did not know what this was and he explained it to me it was a learning disability that had nothing to do with intelligence. I cried "not tears of sadness but tears of joy" that through all along my struggles. I really had the potential inside of me, and now I knew how to help my son.
It was a struggle for our famliy to agree on public or prviate school since the cost was very large, my husband wanted to try public first and we did, but after 2 years our son was sinking, and I just could stand to see it he begged me to homeschool him, it ws frightning becuase I knew I barely got by, but, he was slowley falling apart, and I couldn't let that happen to him. So after homeschooling for about 2 months and rebuilding his self esteem, I reintroduced the idea of school again and researched the closest dyselxic specific school in our area which happened to be 1 hour drive. Of course Jeremiah was so apprehensive after his previuos experience, he cried and begged me not to take him in he even said "If you love me you will not make me go in there" That was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. I comprimised and said he could go just to try it out for 1/2 the day, I will be near by come back at lucnh and if he didn't want to go back he would have that choice. And to my surpirse I got their at lunch with a pit in my stomach, and he said smiling "Mom can I stay for the rest of the day"? I said "Sure" walked away until he couldn't see me anymore and cried.
The school my son attends is the Friendship School in Eldersburg, MD a school for dyslexic children. It has saved his self esteem and has help him beyond words I can describe. He can read, write, spell, and do math that I could have only dreamed of at his age. He has goals & dreams, and he will now he can do what he sets his mind to, and I will be beside him cheering him on all the way. It is a struggle to pay for the large tuitions these special schools have to charge for such individual tutoring and training, but what choice do we have.
Now as a grown woman age 38, I look back at my "Day Dreaming" and I realize there are a lot of chidlren right here who have "Dreams", I want to try to reach out to as many children with learning differences to let them know they have a gift, and to realize their dreams are important and that they can reach any goal they set their mind too. Most importantly to teach them to be compassionate thru their journey.. That their lives and words may help someone else along the road.
In Conclusion, I will do whatever it takes and use the gifts and talents I been given to ensure that all children with learning differences see they have a "Gift" and with proper support they can have there dreams and still have writting, reading, spelling, organizational, and math skills too. Which make life a lot easier.
I hope to educate government officials, educators, and parents to recognize the "Dreams" of these children and their gifts and to make sure their beautiful minds are cherished and built up.
Currently,
I serve as President of Dyslexic Dreams Foundation www.DyslexicDreams.org
I am on the School Board at Friendship (It was very emotional for me when I was asked and I I was so very honored) me-on a board of education? It was only in my "Dreams"
I own and manage (by myself) a rental property on Hilton Head Island, SC.
I still drive my son 1 hour each way, to school everyday.
And, I still "dream" I dream of ways to make more out of myself, of others, and the beautiful children I get to see each day.
Always Remember to Dream
(It's What Dyslexics Do Best)
Educational Background Information:
Desmond has attended schools in upstate, New York since he was three years of age in 1997. He attended a preschool at age three and four. He was then enrolled in the Elementary School at age five and attended kindergarten. He continued onto first grade, and was retained for another year of first grade. Desi attended second and third grade at Elementary School. At the end of third grade, the Committee for Special Education labeled Desi “Learning Disabled in Basic Reading Skills and Written expression. Starting in fourth grade, Desmond was enrolled in the B School.
The B School is a Montessori School system within the confines of the school district. Desmond attended the B School in fourth grade, fifth grade and most of the sixth grade. Desmond wanted to return to the Elementary school in the middle of fourth grade because he missed his friends, but did not transfer back as the Principal, advised via phone that “Desmond would receive more one-on-one support at the B than the elementary school could provide.” At the beginning of fifth grade, Desmond started off the first few days at the elementary school, but felt overwhelmed, was extremely intimidated of the pace that other student’s were working, and “shut down.” Desmond returned to the B School for the remainder of fifth grade. In December 2005 Desmond was diagnosed for the first time with dyslexia.
In August, 2005, Desmond again, desired to return to the Elementary School. I was also in favor as it was an economic burden for me to pay for the B School. It was decided at the Special Education meeting in August 2005, that Desmond would remain labeled as learning disabled and follow the same IEP that was written for him at the end of third grade. No testing was done in August to assess his current skills. The Committee on Special Education never visited Desi in the B School, nor did they make observations of him at work there. Other assumptions based on what the B School reported on his report card were placed in the IEP, but none were based on true assessments, tests or data that were current at that time. In fact, Desmond had slipped even further behind in skills as the average fifth grader, but this would not be discovered until he was immersed back into the Elementary School.
Desmond did start fifth grade at the Elementary School but he only lasted there three days. He felt overwhelmed by the work load and the pace that the students were moving. He could not copy information off of the board as fast as the other students, and he reported that the aids were doing all of his work. He was upset that it did not work out at the Elementary School and conceded to return to the B School for the remainder of 5th grade. He also attended the B School for most of 6th grade.
In October of 2006, I started having meetings with the School system and their committee on Special Education again with the intentions of getting Desi back to the Middle School in 6th grade or no later than the start of 7th grade. I requested information on what specific and scientifically proven methods using Orton-Gillingham ideologies and programs the School was using to aid students with dyslexia. Thee Director of Special Education Services could not come up with any programs in place at that time. but agreed to train two teachers in a scientifically proven method to teach reading skills to dyslexic students. That training was to occur in February, 2007 for the Wilson Reading Method.
Desmond started back at the Middle School in sixth grade as of January 2007. Desmond was anxious to be back with his friends at School. The special reading program would begin for Desmond in February 2007. Desmond’s teacher, Mrs. W and I were very apprehensive to place Desmond back in the Middle School. We were afraid that they would not be sensitive to his needs, and his writing and math skills were very low. I advised that “Teachers should be aware and sensitive to Desi’s stress levels in order to prevent him from shutting down.” This was even placed in his current IEP. After one month of school at the Middle School, Desmond felt overwhelmed again by the workload and the pace the other students were moving. His self-esteem was falling low. An incident over dice caused Desi to “shut down,” and simultaneously the special reading program was postponed indefinitely.
Desi returned to the B School for most of the remainder of the sixth grade. He began extensive testing with psychologists and other educational evaluators. The last few weeks of school Desmond was home schooled due to economic reasons in paying for the B School tuition. With no solutions in sight coming from the School system in educating Desmond, I looked for other institutions that may meet his educational needs. Desmond applied to the Gow School for dyslexic boys and was accepted to the school in April 2007.
Factors Leading to Academic Stress and Psychological Issues:
Desmond was born on September 20, 1994 in Ankara, Turkey. He was an 8 lb., 21 inch long, healthy baby, born after a full term pregnancy with no complications. Desi was a happy infant and toddler. Desi enjoyed being read to as an infant and toddler. When Desi was 3 years and 11 months old his parents divorced. Desi was happy and successful making friends in preschool, and kindergarten. Desmond’s kindergarten report card stated, “Desmond has mastered nearly all of his upper case letters and about half of the lower case. Desmond is a wonderful little boy. The growth he has made this year is phenomenal.” Desi was beginning to attempt to write words on his own. The summer after his kindergarten year, I worked through the ‘Hooked on Phonics Program’ with him. Desi was beginning to read.
In first grade when Desi was six years old, he developed anxiety about going to school. He did not want to separate from me in the hallway at the school. I was forbidden to walk near the classroom. Desi cried at night about school. Desi would not eat full meals. His appetite diminished and he became very thin and pale. He was frequently late, absent, or left early from school. Academic problems began to surface quickly at the beginning of the year. By January, 2001, Desi’s reading teacher noted: “During a recent literary screening, Desi was able to name about 16 of his 26 letters of the alphabet correctly. He missed or did not know q, r, u, f, k, t, y and confused b/d and j/l… When he read the word ‘and” he was stressed to try to wrack his brain to come up with the proper name of this word (which happens to an automatic sight word for most first graders at this point.)… Desi is still confused by print. His literacy abilities, at this point, are more indicative of a beginning to middle year kindergarten student that a first grader. He is overwhelmed by his current grade placement. The frustration from this situation is evident in his emotional and physical state, despite the fact that his academic programs have been amended in an attempt to meet his needs.”
This reading specialist could not recognize that Desi was showing clear signs of dyslexia at his point in time. The confusions with getting letters b/d and j/i are a classic clue that dyslexia may be present. And the word “and” although an automatic sight word for a non-dyslexic, is actually a common “trigger word” for a dyslexic who causes confusion and disorientation. Ronald Davis, author of the Gift of Dyslexia (Copyright 1994) states that since a dyslexic person perceives information multi-dimensionally, a common word such as “and” cannot be given a “mental image of what the word represent,” like a “tree” and so the mind goes into disorientation. “Disorientation is the natural function of a normal brain. It occurs when the brain receives conflicting information from the different senses and attempts to correlate the information.” The reading teacher was frustrated in teaching Desi which even added to Desi’s levels of disorientation. She never stopped to think that perhaps an alternative way of teaching may best meet Desi’s ways of learning. Ronal Davis teaches through his Davis Dyslexia Correction methods ways to make the word “and” a permanent three dimensional image in a dyslexic’s mind.
The first grade school year with Desmond never got better. Attendance was blamed for his poor progress. During the month of February we considered placing Desmond back in kindergarten, but the school psychologist did not agree with this decision and felt that the problem was not due to Desi but should be placed on the school. Because no changes were made in the way the teachers were teaching Desi, there were no changes in his behaviors either at school. The reading teacher reported on June 2001, “One of the most distressing problems that Desi seems to have is his nervousness and insecurity when being asked to complete certain academic tasks such as reading and writing. Recently, while he was in the Reading Lab for our “Can Do Detective Club,” Desi was biting his wrists and sucking his thumb. These are behaviors that we have never witnessed before. To address some of his emotional issues, he should probably receive some sort of counseling.” The school environment was stressing out Desi more than ever at this point in time.
The reading teacher blamed Desi’s behavior on him, or me, but never her. The first grade teacher stated in a meeting in May that other children were going for additional emotional help, but Desi needed so much that he could not attend those sessions. She was also quoted by the elementary school principal for providing Desi will extra help and accommodations. But these were never explained to me when I asked what they were. The reading teachers were all uninformed, unqualified teachers. The National Institutes of Health have estimated that 15% of the population may be dyslexic. Why was further testing not done at this point in time to determine Desi’s difficulties with the English written language? How could these teachers who had been teaching for years are so incapable of looking beyond there traditional teaching and not explore different avenues of instruction? This was not the time to blame a child's performance on anyone until further testing was done to completely identify the issue. Sally Shaywitz, M.D., in her book Overcoming Dyslexia states:
Desmond’s first year ended with a very disturbing comment on his report card. The first grade teacher wrote in June 2001, “It saddens me to see a child apparently unable to learn. Desi has made minimal progress this year. Given excessive absences and emotional turmoil, I cannot recommend strongly enough that some testing/counseling be sought. He is an affectionate child and very sweet but he needs some help beyond the classroom. I regret that I am unable to promote Desi to 2nd grade.” Unfortunately, I agreed to their recommendation and allowed them to hold Desi back for another year. Now that I am better informed I understand that that was a bad choice. The Everything Parent’s Guide to Children with Dyslexia, by Abigail Marshall, states that “grade retention is almost never a good idea for a child with dyslexic, as the possible negative consequences far outweigh the benefits. Dyslexia is not something that can be outgrown or cured waiting for a child to mature; repeating the same curriculum a second time around with not help your child improve his basic skills. Retention is far more likely to hurt your child than help him; this is especially true in the early elementary years. Dozens of research studies conducted over 25 years show that students who are retained because they performed poorly usually fall even further behind over time.” (p. 176)
Because the Elementary School did not realize that Desi was dyslexic and seek instruction that works for dyslexics; Desi in essence wasted a year of his time being educated again in the same manner as the previous year. And on top of that, he lost friends that he had known since he was three years of age who were promoted on without him. To this day, he still missed those friends, and seeks to play with them still. Also, Desi’s self-esteem went down after he was held back. The Special Education committee made a poor recommendation for my child, and again did not seek alternative ways to teach.
I wrote a series of letter to the principal about my dissatisfaction with the first grade teacher throughout the year, and her unprofessional comment on the report card. The principal defended the first grade teacher for doing a good job. She stated there would be a meeting with the three of us, but never did schedule one. Many of questions of mine were left unresolved and unanswered. In a recent note, the principal stated she wanted to see attendance improve. Attendance improved to the point where Desi was not absent one day in 3rd grade, but with hard work and determination his reading and writing skills did not get up to grade level. Desi’s 3rd grade teacher reported, “Desi comes in each day smiling and ready to go.”
Desi attended the B School in the 5th grade. His teacher Mrs. W insisted that Desi concentrate on reading instruction. Desi was reading up to 3 ½ hours at school per day, including one hour working along with a reading specialist, Amanda. This was a very positive year for Desi with growth in his reading skills. The B School did try their best to help Desi succeed in school, although they were not versed in multi-sensory techniques. And thankfully, they did not damage his self-esteem. Desi started the 6th grade at the B School, but I knew I would have to transfer him back to the CCS, as B ends in 6th grade...
A Special Education meeting was scheduled in October to start to get program that would meet Desi’s dyslexic needs. I gave a letter stating the type of multi-sensory, research based teaching techniques I was interested in. Mrs.W attended the meetings with me as she was very concerned about Desi. I poured out my heart and soul and explained all that Desi had endured in schools, the hard work he had been putting forth, yet he still remained behind his classmates. I felt like the director of special education was listening and really concerned. She was certain that the remedial reading program that the reading teachers followed for the University of Albany would meet Desi’s needs. But I insisted it would not, as I have a Masters in the same program, and worked extensively with Desi daily without getting the results that I should have attained.
The next meeting in November 2006, the director of special education, agreed that the University of Albany Reading Program was not scientifically proven to work for dyslexics. She agreed to visit a teacher in the Albany area that was using the Wilson Reading method with success, and announced that two reading teachers would be trained in the Wilson Reading Method in February, 2007. The reading teachers were actually telling me under their breath to keep on fighting. They were obviously so frustrated not having the right teaching methods to meet the special needs of some kids.
The special education director and the other remedial teachers urged Desi to come back to the School District. They told him his friends missed him, and he needed to be back. Desi wanted to be back so badly. He felt isolated going on the little bus that met him at the Elementary School each day, as his friends walked into the school. Some kids teased him for going to the B School. Others called him “stupid” for going there because it is known for being a pre-school. Desi agreed to start back at the Middle School in January 2007. He transferred to the school charged up and ready to go. He learned quickly how far behind he was from the other students. He found that the Resource Room personnel did not have time to teach him, but instead just rushed him through homework assignment to get the done. In math, the teacher realized he was not up to level, but would not take time to help him. She just wanted him out of her class. A resource room aid frequently made Desi feel badly about learning. On January 30, 2007 I emailed, the Middle School guidance counselor and reported that Desi was upset due to:
"Mrs. M yelled at John because he did his homework on the opposite side of the paper."
"Desi also said she is negative and keeps on telling the kids, "You are in 6th grade. You should know this by now."
I asked the middle school guidance counselor, "If someone could gently tell her that the kids feels bad enough that they have to go to the resource room, and that comments like that do not help, I'd really appreciate that. Yes, they are in 6th grade and still struggling, that's why they have her to help them out, not make them feel badly."
I reported the same common incidences to the director of special education, who responded to me in a phone conversation, "She is only an aide."
February 6, 2007
Email sent to middle school guidance counselor:
"More on Mrs. M. I get a story every night from Desi. I don't want to sound like a rat. I am keeping notes on these stories. Desi is a very sensitive boy. Yesterday something happened with John that made him cry. This made Desi very sad again. I fear that being with Mrs. M is not a positive learning environment for Desi. Also, yesterday Desi told me, "Ben and I are the dumbest kids in 6th grade." I want Desi to feel positive about learning, not horrible."
February 27, 2007
Email to middle school guidance counselor:
"Desi is very distraught about an incident that occurred in school, and stressed over his ability to handle the work load. He is having a melt down and so am I and I really don't know what to do right now or how to handle this."
(This was mailed after the 'dice' incident. I never got a call or message back. The school's computer had many problems this last winter.)
Basically, that was the end of public school for my child, Desi. Instead of school being a fun, safe place to learn, it was a nightmare since first grade. The school just kept on playing games with us to make us believe that he was getting the best education. They insisted on keeping blinders to problems and not addressing them. They really did not care if a child failed or continued to go through school not learning how to read.
If you know that the school is not working for your child, you must be your child’s advocate. Insist on further testing until you discover what is really going on. In May, 2007 Desi was tested by a PhD, in Education in an Independent Educational Evaluation. It was discovered that Desmond was double-deficit dyslexic. It was getting late for the school to come up with a program now that Desmond was entering 7th grade. I had to avoid Desi going through further psychological trauma. I opted to find placement elsewhere and fight the school system. It is worth is already to see Desi have success for the first time in him life at school at the Gow School. The battle has not yet ended, and I do not know what the outcome will be, but I do not regret being proactive for my son and his best interest in education.
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